into infinity

I think I cut off all my hair to get a grip on losing things
To beat loss to its nasty grave, catch death before its sting

Cuz you know I’m just like you, made of thick and stubborn skin
I’d rather be self-sufficient than try to fit-in

But I’m sitting here now with hot tears down my neck
Memories a mile a minute—trying to stay in check

My Filippo will learn the lesson early: we can’t hold forever the people we love most
But bloodline-spiritline-storyline remain our silent host

How I loved going to bed when you put me to bed
Last night I would have returned the favor instead

But I heard you breathing, the phone resting on your chest
And Grandpa said you smiled, somehow you gave me your best

But you always did, so it wasn't a surprise
My years founded on your prayers and sacrifice

I promise I’ll have trumpets at my wedding, maybe even a door that’s red
I’ll save your mother’s teacups, I’ll treasure the things you said

Though last time you said nothing, you only gripped my hand
Clenched it so tightly, my young bones at your frail command

I cried my way through security
In hazy, dreamlike absurdity

I cried my way across ocean and sea
Everyone a little too nice to me

I remember times when it had been easier to go
You were just a ferry away, we'd play with gingerbread and snow

But this time was different, we both knew
I felt like I was abandoning you

Oh when we love!--when we love, we love hard
But we can't out-love Love, no matter how scarred

Because He loved us first
He gave us this thirst

For surrendering all
We learn to fly in the fall

I know you are finally waking—from the sleep that we called Life
And I long to be as alive as you, and free from earthly strife

But our days are engraven in eternity
And I'll honor each into infinity

As you showed me how
Unto Jesus now

talitha cumi (before you). a song.

Before you I was never really awake
Before you there were shadows I couldn't chase
I was like a note searching for a song
A ghost too many nights trying to belong

Before you I was a heart trying not to beat
Before you just a treasure lost at sea
How I did resent my wandering feet!
Body full of fear at your hunt of me

But you took my corpse in your hands
Shouted and danced
Talitha Cumi! rpt x2

Before you I lie flat upon my face
Blinded by the light inside this place
Heart beats to the rhythm of your song
I crawl inside your scars and call them my home

Before you I am freed from my slavery!
Before you all my shadows wail and flee
I burn like incense consumed by fire
Awake my soul--awake my desire

And take my corpse in your hands
Shout Lord and dance singing
Talitha Cumi!...

'so...you're staying another year'

Up and down
Slowly
Up and down
Her lungs heave
Like a wave her olive skin ripples
That peeling, soft, transparent cage
That's treated her so well with age
It would seem she was forgotten
In the quiet of the dark
In the company of the TV
Voices buzzing in the air
As if skin and bones were there
When only skin and bone-clad spirit
Is upstairs in the leather chair

Look in the doorway, Grandma
There hovers my ghost
She doesn't say a word
She doesn't speak with those
She speaks a language spoken with
Her head, her hands, her toes
She'll crawl up on your mossy bed
It won't matter who's alive or dead
She loves you, that spirit
I love you, I said!

And I hope you grow more alive with age
As you die to yourself
As you abandon the world
As your skin turns eternal
And your spirit meets mine
And you're never alone
For the Holy Fire
Burns
In your dark

(sub)urban panic

A city life in a small town street
Too fast a rythm for a steady beat
That looks inside windows
And sees behind doors
And gossips as the cobblestones
Brush whispers 'cross the floors

It feels a bit like biting
It feels a bit insane
The cities are for hiding
But here they know my name
And they speak it with their foreign sounds
And they chase me like a pack of hounds

crawl back

I feel like crawling back into her womb
Where I was wrapped in dark unconsciousness
Where I was only my Maker's

But I only know how to leave my homes
Except my skin and its aging restlessness
Until He calls me back

I'm a hider
I need shelter
I need covering
Cocoon

Wrap me gently
Resurrect me
From my dark
And lonely tomb

almost a mother

And every day my skin is dry, I am lost by touch under roaming skies

When in she walks still sleeping, cookie crumbs upon her face

Pillow lines from her car dreams slowly vanish from their place

And at that moment my arms become a strong and welcoming nest

She cuddles in like a soft black cat, she surrenders to the rest

I’ll hold her there through all the storms until my skin stops peeling

Til both our needs are satisfied and time has done its healing

And when the clouds part how the sun pours in!

It pierces the windows of our hearts

And my precious little bird awakes, ready for her day to start

I kiss her dimples, kiss her head, a halo for the waking dead

And all her laughter is a song

And all the right now covers wrong

I almost feel a mother now

These little hands around my neck

This is the way God kisses me

I can’t forget, I can’t forget.

colors

I am black
Paint me red
Tattoo my body with the colors of the dead
The one I took with my first breath
The mother I followed and the mother I left
Body in the sand
Spirit in God's hand
And I am too black too black for this new land

I have only one father
But he might as well be you
He might as well be green
He might as well be blue
For the color of my mind
As I contrast all my worlds
Looking for passion
As I bury lie on lie hoping that it will be the last one

And when I love
I love
But I've never loved like this
I would empty my veins of all their blood
That blood--it's red like yours
Your sanguine lava rushing on my shores
And that blood makes me white as snow
White like a polar bear
White like my history of fear